In a previous thread, I remarked:
It’s got to feel as bad for men as it does for women to continue in this feminist charade that we are all playing.
And Farm Boy responded:
You will never know…
Women hate it. Men hate it. Why do we keep playing?
The second wave feminism of the 1960s and 1970s was begun by a small group of highly dysfunctional and mentally unstable women; for example, both Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem have written quite a bit about being either abused or neglected as children. Friendan’s book “The Feminine Mystique” supposedly gave voice to what millions of women were feeling – dissatisfaction with being wives and mothers and a yearning to have careers of their own. Her book “The Second Stage” discusses the “need” for both men and women to break free from traditional sex roles.
Everyone went along with it. Women began jumping on board slowly but surely, and yet happiness levels have declined for women as feminism has become pervasive. The more feminism we get, the more we “free” ourselves from our God-given sex roles, the unhappier everyone is. Women are really conflicted because they believe they should be feminists and careerists, so they play career for a little while until they can finally settle into being the traditional wives and mothers that they have always really wanted to be. They want to claim to be feminists, but they don’t really want to have the drudgery of a full-time career for the rest of their lives. Instead, they want to do what women have always done – care for their families – but they feel ashamed of this desire and this shame makes them behave badly.
For some men, feminism has been just peachy keen, especially third-wave sex-positive feminism. If you are a natural alpha with no religious convictions, there has never been a better time to be alive. You can swim in a veritable sea of willing women who have thrown all sexual restraint to the wind. There is no requirement to get married and support a family; after all, women said they wanted to support themselves, and these men took them at their word. And why shouldn’t they have?
I didn’t realize this until the last six months because I was operating under the apex fallacy, but for other men, the feminist destruction of traditional sex roles hasn’t been quite so fun. These men would have preferred to find a wife and have a traditional marriage, but sex positive feminism has unleashed the inner slut in women at large by unchaining their hypergamy, turning them into thrill-addicts and rendering them nearly unable to honor a relationship commitment with an average sort of man.
For all men, the push to feminize them and socialize them to believe that their natural masculine tendencies are bad has created a generation of boys who don’t feel like society cares about them or needs them. Feeling unnecessary and unappreciated feels horrible to anyone but is particularly poisonous to men.
Women have taken on more masculine roles, even though only a small minority of us really want to do that. Most of us, deep down, really would prefer to be the girl in the relationship. Despite what we hear from Sheryl Sandberg and Warren Buffet, our modern day versions of Betty Friedan, most women want to put their families before their careers.
How did we get to this point? The Abilene paradox perfectly describes it. For those who don’t know:
The Abilene paradox is a paradox in which a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is counter to the preferences of any of the individuals in the group. It involves a common breakdown of group communication in which each member mistakenly believes that their own preferences are counter to the group’s and, therefore, does not raise objections.
Here is the classic story which illustrates the Abilene paradox:
On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a trip to Abilene [53 miles north] for dinner. The wife says, “Sounds like a great idea.” The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, “Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go.” The mother-in-law then says, “Of course I want to go. I haven’t been to Abilene in a long time.”
The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad as the drive. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted.
One of them dishonestly says, “It was a great trip, wasn’t it?” The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, “I wasn’t delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you.” The wife says, “I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that.” The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.
The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.
The problem is that a small group of sick women said, “Hey, we hate it here, so let’s all go to Abilene instead.” And everyone else, who were by and large perfectly happy where they were, didn’t want to rock the boat and said, “Well…okay. I guess.” Unfortunately, you don’t any longer have much of a choice about going to Abilene; you pretty much have to go now, whether you want to or not. But we need to stop saying it’s okay and that we want to go.
We don’t want to go to Abilene. Most of us want to enjoy our natural sex roles. We’re happy to be feminine if we are women. We’re pleased to be masculine if we are men. And we want to be with other people who don’t seem to hate their sex and who aren’t constantly trying to make themselves more like the opposite sex. We need to be that voice that says No thanks! to continuing down the road to Abilene; by speaking up, we allow others to voice their desire not to go to Abilene on the feminist short bus either.