So young, so ugly. I don’t understand. And not just ugly on the outside, but ugly on the inside, too. What is the problem with making a sandwich for your man if he wants one? He’s perfectly able to make it himself, of course; it isn’t like you’re so special and so much more capable than he is. The reason you make it for him is because it’s an honor to serve him and it demonstrates your love, commitment, and gratitude.
In a recent comment thread, reader Lexi complained
I can tell you why I’m not married.
1) My job gives me more satisfaction than any of my relationships. My coworkers don’t bitch, moan, complain to me. They also don’t complain about me, at least not in front of me.
2) I’ve been at my current job for 5 years, since I graduated from college. That’s longer than any relationship I’ve been in. More stable, less bitching, less dealing with demanding significant others.
3) Nobody cares about how I look (I’m an engineer). I can go to work wearing flip flops and sweat pants and no one will bat an eye.
4) I don’t have to watch my weight. Nobody is going to deduct points from my review for gaining 10 pounds.
5) I don’t have to shower everyday, and that’s also not going on my review
6) I come home, and no one is bitching at me to cook for them.
In conclusion, why should I work all the day, come home, have to look nice, cook, clean, and also have sex with a husband?
The easy answer, Lexi, is that you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t marry. No one is trying to sell you on marriage here. What we are saying is that if a woman wants to be married, or is already married, she should take care of her health and appearance and take joy in serving her husband. Being fat, ugly, bitchy, bad-tempered, arrogant, self-centered, and unwilling to serve makes a woman poor wife material.
I have been surprised that people are suspicious that my gravatar image, which is my forty-something face, might be from like ten years ago or something. At first I couldn’t tell if I was just being flattered by kindly commenters or what. Naturally, I chose a picture that I actually looked good in, so maybe it makes me look better than I really do. Here is my most recent Facebook picture, which was taken last winter; approximately the same age but I look less cute:
Yeah, straight across bangs are not so pretty as side-swept bangs on me; I clearly see that now. Still, even though I’m dead-average looking and middle-aged to boot, I decided that I do look better than a lot of other middle-aged Midwestern women solely because I have generally followed Deti’s oft-given advice, which can be summed up as: Ladies, keep your weight down, your hair long, and your make up on. Most middle-aged women can’t pull off the waist-length hair look; by long hair, I usually take that to mean never shorter than shoulder-length.
Anyway, my Plain Jane face notwithstanding, I get to feel like I’m young and hot-looking at 44 because this is what I’m competing with:
Losing weight is such a drag, believe me, I know that. But the difference it makes in how a woman’s face looks, as well as her body, is astonishing. Look at how much more feminine these ladies’ faces look:
I’m also surprised by how poor of care women will take care of their health. Ladies: if you’ve got a cracked tooth, put some money aside each week until you can get it fixed. Get those little middle-aged growths removed from your face. Take care of yourself.
Anyway, in the spirit of improving ourselves, here is some more life advice, gleaned from my recent readings around the blogosphere:
I have never liked eating breakfast. I feel nauseous when I do because it makes my digestion sluggish, but for years I forced myself to eat in the morning because “they” say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and eating it will help you lose weight. The thing is, that never worked for me. I ate just as much at lunch and dinner whether I had eaten breakfast or not. I finally wised up and stopped eating breakfast; I just have tea or coffee. Doing so has really helped me with weight loss goals and made me feel ever so much better. That is why I was interested when Alte wrote a post explaining the The Hildegarde Diet, which includes fasting in the morning:
Breakfast: Fennel tea. Perhaps with a bit of raw honey in it, but preferably unsweetened.
That was it. She thought breakfast was a decadent habit for gluttons, that was best reserved for the physically ill, pregnant or nursing mothers, or young children. She also didn’t do “snacks” or meals late at night.
She also explained in Things I Love About Fasting that her husband likes this morning fast model, too:
Fasting is manlier. It just is. My husband looks a lot like Bill Henrickson and Bill Henrickson doesn’t diet. You can tell, just by looking at him, that he doesn’t diet. When he wants to lose weight, he goes running in the morning instead of eating breakfast. Suggesting to my husband that he “go and do likewise” worked, whereas suggesting that he track points or measure food just got him to double over in hysterical laughter.
Recently, TemptestTcup wrote about starting to take Exercise more seriously, and she linked to something called the two hundred squats training program. I clicked over to the site, and decided to give it a try. Ladies, join Tempest and me in this! Squats firm up your rear end and your thighs, something most of us 30- and 40- something ladies probably need. You start out with a pre-test to see how many squats you can do, and then you follow the weekly program at the right level, building up each week.
I was able to do 30 consecutive squats, so that put me in the “very good” category since I’m over 40. I’ve finished week one; it wasn’t too bad, but my legs are shaky for an hour or so after I finish.
It’s a big topic. For today, we’ll just consider something that keeps coming up a lot around here. Recently, Dalrock linked to his Yahoo! Answers profile, so I had a look. He gives a lot of good advice, but perv that I am, I was immediately interested in one question that someone had posted entitled How can I RAPE my wife?
My wife told me that she has a Rape fantasy.She said she always dreamed about it . I am shocked. I don’t know what to say or do. How can i handle this situation?
Dalrock linked him to an old post at CH, Play Rape:
Rape fantasy reflects a deep, inborn, uncompromising sexual desire by women to be rendered helpless, almost childlike, by a more powerful man. It is the submissive scrawling of their hindbrains, a message in a novel sailing forth from the female limbic labyrinth. And from submission to a dominant male force is born the strongest love.
I’m not recommending that anyone do this, but I thought it was an interesting read. One thing that couples might want to consider though, is that men can generally be a lot more dominant and aggressive in the bedroom and it will often go over very well with the lady, by which I mean she will want it more often. Conversely, a Christian site, The Generous Husband, explains how to give an hour-long orgasmic massage. There is nothing wrong with his advice; he gives a decent explanation of how to touch a woman down there, but an hour? Really? I’d fall asleep. And it seems so…I don’t know, supplicating somehow. My husband just pins me down so that I can’t move, and I can usually get there in less than five minutes. If you’re into hour-long massages, that’s your business and may you enjoy it, but for those of us who have neither the time nor the attention span for that, try a little consensual dominance and aggression. There is nothing unChristian about that.
Dr. Illusion writes, in Relationships, Oneitis, Game and your Mission:
Put down the smartphone. Turn off the Xbox and the TV. Go out and interact with people. Don’t drink in the corner alone, don’t hide behind a handheld computer. Talk to strangers. Talk to women. Join a group wherever you happen to find yourself. Just walk up to them and say hi. They aren’t the enemy. They aren’t aliens. They are just humans, like yourself. Break out of your shell and stop fantasizing about replacing human interaction with lifeless things.
His post is geared toward men, but it’s wise advice for women, too.
One of my long-time readers (you know him as Anon, but he is using his name, Scott, as his handle now) and his wife have started a site called The Courtship Pledge. From their site:
1. We believe “dating,” a flawed, and relatively new phenomenon, has degraded the search for a marriage partner down to the pursuit of romantic love (only).
2. Dating has surrendered what is arguably the most important decision a person will make entirely to that very young, and mostly lacking wisdom person–with almost no parental involvement.
3. We believe that families should make this decision together.
4. We believe the current system for finding a marriage partner has been a (not the only) root cause of rising illegitimacy rates, divorce, needless suffering of children, and a general decline in the sanctity of marriage.
5. We believe this problem can be solved through attacking it on many fronts–this is just one.
6. We believe this problem can and should be solved without the government.
7. We have a Christian worldview, so if you are not Christian, we wish you luck in your endeavors in life, but if you read on, you will see why this is only for Christian couples with children.
8. We believe a community of like-minded individuals can and will, God willing bring marriage back to its original purpose–providing a stable environment for the raising of children, companionship (using the complementarian helpmeet/leader model) and the glorification of God.
9. We believe that the pursuit of romantic love is best found within the context of marriage, but is not its primary purpose.
A site like this is long overdue. As Christian parents, we have a responsibility to help our children navigate the MMP (marriage market place) minefield.
Ladies, it’s time to bring back hats and gloves. Past time, actually. Even feminists look better in dresses, hats, and gloves:
Girls, if we all work together on this, we can do it! All fashion trends get started somehow.
In the last thread, Ton was talking about a recent date he had with a woman:
…the girl I’m into for the now has big Brown eyes, the best boobs I’ve ever seen and made three different versions of lasagna for me on one date night….
Ladies, men can cook for themselves, they really can. My husband is an excellent cook. Don’t flatter yourself that you are doing something for him that he cannot do for himself. A better attitude to take is that you have the privilege of serving him. To that end, I think an important part of Girl Game is kitchen skillz and a willingness to prepare and serve food to the man who is the object of your affections. Ton mentioned lasagna, which is fine, but many of us need to avoid pasta because of the carbs. Try my recipe instead, in which thin slices of zucchini replace the lasagna noodles. I just made this up one day, so feel free to change it up to suit your man’s preferences:
- 4 large zucchini 1 t salt 1 t oregano 3 cloves garlic, chopped 1 t pepper 3/4 c water
- 2 medium onions, chopped 2 28-oz can pureed tomatoes 1 c ricotta cheese
- 1 tube ground Italian sausage 1.5 c mozzarella cheese 1/2 pound mushrooms, sliced
- Cut zucchini into thin slices, lengthwise.
- Saute onions, garlic and sausage in water until onions are golden and sausage is cooked.
- Layer 1/3 zucchini slices in a shallow casserole pan.
- Mix 1 c mozzarella cheese and ricotta cheese. Spread 1/3 over zucchini.
- Layer 1/3 of mushroom slices
- Combine herbs and spices in a cup. Sprinkle 1/3 over zucchini, cheese, and mushroom layer.
- Layer 1/3 of onion/garlic/sausage mixture and 1/3 can of tomato puree.
- Repeat until you have three layers. Finish by topping with 1/2 c shredded mozzarella cheese.
- Bake in the oven at 350 F for about an hour.
While it is baking, go put on a pretty dress and some lipstick. Serve the lasagna to him with red wine and a smile.