Yesterday we went to the University of Michigan game against Nebraska at the Big House. We got there early to hang out with my husband’s family and friends for some pre-game tailgating. Husband and I took a walk and noticed a big group of men all gathered around something. Wondering what that was all about, we wandered over to have a look:
Oh look, it is the University of Michigan Women’s Dance Team.
The older woman on the stage was interviewing several of the girls, and I am sure it was the fascinating story of Chelsea from Grosse Pointe, Michigan’s plans to major in Electrical Engineering that was holding all the men in thrall.
No doubt this man was busily snapping pictures of the chiquitas because of his patriarchal social conditioning:
Ladies, let’s take one more look at the lovely young women. Do you notice one of the features they all have in common?
Not a single one of them is sporting bobbed hair or a pixie cut; they’ve all got hair past their shoulders. Of course, I’m sure when the patriarchy is smashed, men will stop liking long hair on women. (Pssst: young women, this is why middle-aged women and feminists tell you to cut your hair in the first place; because they are so jealous of all that yummy male attention that you get and they don’t.)
Anyway, yesterday Lindy West posted an article on Jezebel, Dudes Are Such Whiny Baby Liars About Girls With Short Hair
Hahaahaaaaahahahaahhaahahahaaha, oh, dudes. It seems like every few weeks some goofball on the internet writes another “article” about how evil women are ruining their crotch-feels by cutting off our long, sexual hair. Leaving aside the fact that YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE’S HAIR NEITHER BELONGS TO YOU NOR EXISTS FOR THE PURPOSES OF YOUR BONER, to those dudes I would just like to say: looolooololololoolololllllooooolol, you fucking LIARS.
What she’s upset about is an article published at Total Frat Move, Why Girls Should Not Cut Their Hair Short:
None of us grew up looking at or imagining ourselves with women rocking a solid scissor fade. Still, over the past couple of years, there has been a disturbing trend spreading across gender lines: pixie cuts…
If you have any female interaction on social media, whatsoever, you may also have seen Jennifer Lawrence’s new ‘do. Though every chick on the planet begs “Can we just be best friends? Why is she perfect?”, you’d only bang her if she lost ten pounds. Now, shedding some lbs. might not even do it. Lawrence didn’t go full-on pixie short, but the results are equally disastrous.
Should have cut her dessert instead.
Since most girls “OMG, WANT TO BE” Jennifer Lawrence, I fear this has the potential to kick off a horrible reactionary chain of events amongst the female populace. Girls, I’m here to save you from yourself. If you’re a woman in your prime, short hair is an overwhelmingly bad idea.
Here’s what Jennifer Lawrence looked like with long hair:
And here is the new short-haired version:
Oh God Jennifer Lawrence what are you doing with a Kate Gosselin-circa-2009 haircut?
So it seems even male feminists don’t dig short-dos on the ladies, whatever Lindy West may say.
The Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan, a woman’s magazine that is equal parts fashion and raunch, should be an expert on what makes women look hot, right? In Why every woman should try the cropped cut, she explains what she tells all the young ladies who ask her about cutting their hair short:
People say to me, “Oh, I wish I could do it.” And I say, “Why don’t you?”
Here is the haircut Ms. Cosmo Editor sports:
She goes on for a bit about how much better Miley Cyrus and Pamela Anderson look now that they’ve chopped off their tresses:
Notice that this is an older woman encouraging young women to chop off their hair. You know who else often tries to slickly talk women into chopping off their hair, in addition to feminists and older women? Gay men. An Elle magazine writer recently wrote that she cut her long hair short because as she’s trying to make it in the fashion industry, it’s important for her to
have a gay man in a perfectly tailored Thom Browne jacket matter-of-factly say, “Chic hair, girl” .
Ladies, let us review who lies to women about how great they look when they chop off their hair: gay men, older women, and feminists. Do you suppose there could be any ulterior motive there? *cough cough* reducing the competition for male attention *cough cough*
In Women: don’t cut your damn hair, Vox Day puts it on the bottom shelf:
…if you’re a woman, let your locks flow long and don’t trust any woman who encourages you to chop them off.
Well, but he is from the manosphere, and everybody knows those guys are underbelly-dwelling misogynists, anyway, right? Ha. Well, let’s check out what some of the guys on the type of site my husband frequents say. The men of the AR.15.com forum write:
I don’t get it. I go shopping with my wife and see so many women with a mans short hair cut. I don’t mean the cutesy pixie cut but almost a Moe (3 stooges) cut.Did they just completely give up trying to look attractive to their husbands or anyone else for that matter? I know when I walk buy I just want to say..”Excuse me sir” whooops! …They have to know they look like men after the hair cut…
Does that haircut = I know he has to cheat but it’s ok cause I’m busy?
killingmachine123 (7/2/2013 2:34:27 PM) responds:
Because they …no longer care to look attractive for anyone.
FreeBear (7/2/2013 2:39:43 PM) obviously has a preference, too:
My supervisor recently cut her hair short. She now has a striking resemblance to that thing known as “Janet Napolitano”.
So apparently it really is all men - from your average football fan, to guys on gun forums, to the diverse men in the manosphere, to the jerkwad guys at Total Frat Move, and even to male feminists for Pete’s sake – who prefer longer hair on women.
Look, I don’t care what you do with your hair. No one else cares what women in general do with their hair either. It’s her head, it’s her choice, and she can cut her hair short if she really wants to. But what women don’t get to do is dictate that all men shall now find short-haired females attractive because virtually none of them do. The guy at Total Frat Move at whom Lindy West was so enraged wasn’t even being particularly jerky about it; he was just saying guys find long hair more attractive on women. He wasn’t asking to have short hair made illegal or anything. Lindy West’s rant is really about the fact that men have preferences at all and dare to state them. And if there is one thing that feminists are adamant about, it is that men are not allowed to express preferences about what they find attractive in women.
Here is a bit of honest advice, lurking female readers:
Single girls: don’t cut your hair short if you want to attract a man to marry.
Married ladies: don’t cut your hair short once you’ve hooked a man and he’s stuck with you.
Anyone who tells you that women look great with short hair almost certainly has an ulterior motive and not your best interests in mind.