As you have undoubtedly already heard, dear reader, there have been several studies recently showing that women are significantly less likely to reach orgasm during casual hook-up sex than they are from sex within the context of an ongoing relationship:
Research involving 600 college students led by Justin R. Garcia, an evolutionary biologist at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, and researchers at Binghamton University found that women were twice as likely to reach orgasm from intercourse or oral sex in serious relationships as in hookups. The paper was presented at the annual meeting of the International Academy of Sex Research and at the Annual Convention for Psychological Science this year.
Similarly, a study of 24,000 students at 21 colleges over five years found that about 40 percent of women had an orgasm during their last hookup involving intercourse, while 80 percent of men did. The research was led by Paula England, a sociologist at New York University who studies the dynamics of casual sex.
By contrast, roughly three quarters of women in the survey said they had an orgasm the last time they had sex in a committed relationship.
Why is this so?
Because sexism and The Patriarchy™ of course!
Feminists are sick of The Patriarchy™ and they intend to do something about it. You may be wondering, What do they intend to do about it, Sunshine Mary? I’m glad you asked. The assault upon The Patriarchy™ will be multi-pronged, but so far as I can tell, one of the main weapons in the feminist arsenal will be this:
Women will f-ck men into submission.
What, you don’t think that’s a great plan? Why, what could possibly go wrong?
Anyway, feminists have been rushing about since the latest hook-up-sex-kinda-sux-for-women study came out, publishing oodles of posts and articles about why all this bad casual sex is actually no problem at all; the feminist fight to destroy The Patriarchy™ is right on schedule and going according to plan. Just we need to deal with this little orgasm problem is all. And here’s what we need to do, according to feminists:
1. We need less slut-shaming.
“The notion of sexual liberation, where men and women both had equal access to casual sex, assumed a comparable likelihood of that sex being pleasurable,” said Kim Wallen, a professor of neuroendocrinology at Emory University who studies female desire. “But that part of the playing field isn’t level.”
The lack of guidance is common, Dr. England said. “Women are not feeling very free in these casual contexts to say what they want and need,” she said. Part of the problem, she added, is that women still may be stigmatized for having casual sex.
You know this sort of begs the question: if fear of stigmatization prevents a woman from climaxing, why is it not preventing her from getting naked on her hands and knees with some guy she met three hours ago?
2. We need more graphic how-to classes in school:
Ms. Martini said she was never taught how to have good sex, let alone how to ask for what she needs. The education she received in school was aimed at stopping teenagers from having sex at all; there wasn’t much discussion of arousal. Ms. Martini said most cultural representations of sex left out the messy details.
Ms. Martini (lol) says: Moar tax-payer money for sex-positive feminist health classes aimed at other people’s children!
It’s so odd, dear reader, but a-way back in the mid-eighties when I was in high school, we were never taught at school how to have sex, much less how to enjoy having sex. Yet I find somehow that I am not having any problem with that as a married woman. Are you having trouble with that? If so, feminists say you should probably blame your high school health class teacher for not explaining the “messy details” of female sexual arousal to you.
3. We women need to get our own selves off during casual sex! Why should women expect men to do that for us while we are having casual sex with them? That’s just the Patriarchy talking, no doubt:
And I don’t mean to make it the woman’s onus, but when a woman leaves a hook-up without having climaxed, it’s partially the guy’s fault and partially her own fault, too. Orgasms aren’t something that need be handed to us on silver platters from guys we pick up at bars. We all know how to get ourselves off.
Of course, this makes no sense – why would a girl hook up if she just has to end up masturbating anyway? – but feminists say it, so it must be true.
4. We need to be strategic lesbians. I’m not making this up, feminists really say that:
Or we could all go a completely different route altogether. In the past, when I craved a satisfying sexual encounter, I’ve gone home with a woman…Women are naturally skilled at pleasing other women because we know what we’re working with, duh. And women are generally more patient and attentive in bed.
5. Plus, it’s all men’s fault! They’re not even trying:
…sex is framed around the man’s equipment is also part of the problem. However long it takes for a guy to do the deed is one thing, but if we know women are more complicated, why isn’t sex organized around this idea? Why aren’t guys doing everything in their power to cater to this, since we all know he’s getting his one way or another?
The funny thing about that is that men say they’re happy enough to spend the time satisfying a woman if they are in a relationship with her:
Indeed, young men surveyed in Dr. England’s study often admitted that they are less focused on sexually pleasing a woman they are seeing casually than one they are dating.
Duvan Giraldo, 26, a software technician in Elmhurst, Queens, said that satisfying a partner “is always my mission,” but added, “I’m not going to try as hard as when I’m with someone I really care about.”
Now personally, I would draw the conclusion that married sex is better than hook-up sex for women, but feminists assure me that this is not the case.
6. We just shouldn’t even bother with getting off. Because that’s so tiring, and feminists are busy, busy people:
It may not be worth all the effort and education when the payoff is one orgasm and not a relationship or multiple orgasms from multiple hookups. By the time we’re done explaining everything, we may be too tired to actually want to have sex.
7. Anyway, we women probably don’t even want orgasms! None of the cool kids are having them, you know. Well, at least not the female cool kids:
“Something we don’t talk about is why having an orgasm is the main goal or the only goal” of sex, Dr. Herbenick said. “Who are we to say women should be having orgasms?”
My lady readers may be wondering, But why shouldn’t we want orgasms? Because sex is really all about pleasing the man, feminists explain:
Yet mediocre sex was a small price to pay “for the freedom to be able to enjoy it all.” The physical aspect of a tryst with a relative stranger was gratifying, she said, even if her chances of reaching orgasm were limited. When her partner’s performance was lackluster, she still took pride in her own sexual prowess.
“To sort of know yourself to be sort of skilled in a way or to be able to see someone else’s pleasure that was your own doing, I think there’s definitely something very empowering about that,” she said.
Wait, I am confused. I get a lot of grief from feminists for using my blog to tell women:
Please your husband.
Pleasing your husband? That’s sexist! Because Patriarchy™. But pleasing some man you barely know? That’s empowerment, according to feminists.
Feminists say: having lots of casual, uncommitted sex with random men while focusing only on pleasing them and not expecting any sexual gratification in return will show those men who is boss! Men, if you do not grant us equality at comic book conventions and everywhere else too, I swear to Goddess we will have casual sex with you but we won’t enjoy it at all!
Are you scared yet?
Feminism: always making things worse for women.