Some guy has written a list of 50 Things Every Woman Should Realize About Men that’s gotten feminist drawers, and female drawers in general, all in a bunched up twisted knot. His list is whateverish, in my opinion, and some of his suggestions are either dumb or immoral, but he really does come up with some good points, too; here are the ones that I thought were pretty decent:
3. You Shouldn’t Take It Personally When He Checks Out Other Women
Unless he’s leering and drooling, just let it slide. It’s a reflex and he can’t help it. Just let it slide.
5. Never Criticize His Mother
If he wants to do it, and you commiserate with him, that’s fine. But if you’re the one who brings it up, watch the fuck out. Odds are, there are qualities she has that he sees in you, so try to figure out what those are and relate to her on that level.
6. You Have To Let Shit Go
You’ll have a lot of fights over the course of the relationship, but when they’re over, they really need to be over. Throwing old arguments back in his face will lead to loss of trust and ultimately change how he feels about you.
8. You Can’t Bombard Him The Second He Walks In The Door
He knows you want to talk about what that bitch said to you at work today or your plans to redecorate the bedroom, but for god’s sake, let him have a beer and stare at the TV for at least half an hour first.
9. Withholding Sex Is A Dangerous Game
I don’t care how mad you are at him, if you cut him off for an extended period of time, what happens next is on you.
[ssm: Well, I don't agree that it's "on her"; he's still a moral agent and responsible for his own behavior. However, she's being both sinful and incredibly foolish if she's withholding sex from her husband.]
17. You’ve Got To Watch Your Weight
Oh shit, did I really say that? Well, it’s true. Just because you landed him doesn’t mean you can eat whatever you want and stop going to the gym (and to be fair, neither can he).
19. Ultimatums Do NOT Work
Any time you try to force a guy to do anything, he WILL resent you for it. Try an honest talk about how you feel and what you want out of the relationship before you give him an “either/or.”
22. He Wants You To Like What He Likes
Whether it’s movies, sports or hobbies, he wants you to enjoy those things with him. Even if it’s not your thing, try to have fun with the fact that it makes him happy.
25. You Should Always Take His Side
Within reason. But if he’s involved in some kind of debate and you take sides against him in public, he will never forgive you.
28. He Hates That Short Haircut
Very few women can pull off that pixie hairdo (although the ones that can do it beautifully). He likes your hair long, so don’t go chopping it all off without running it by him first. How would you feel if he got a Mohawk or grew a rattail?
34. Save The Big Piece Of Chicken For Him
He works hard, he doesn’t complain much. He deserves it (thanks to Chris Rock for that one).
35. Don’t EVER Emasculate Him
Even if you’re just joking. I promise you, he won’t think it’s funny. And if you do it during a fight, your relationship might never recover.
44. He Needs Quiet Sometimes
You don’t have to fill the silence with pointless chatter and small talk. If you’re comfortable together, you should be able to just shut the fuck up every once in a while.
45. You Should Compliment Him More
Hey, women aren’t the only ones who like compliments. Tell him he looks good, tell him he’s smart, whatever. He needs to hear that shit every once in a while.
46. You Don’t Always Have To Be Right
Hey, if it’s worth it, then just dig your heels in and fight to your dying breath. But sometimes, he just wants his opinion validated and you don’t have to contradict him just because you see things differently.
47. Make Sure You Look Just As Good When You Go Out With Him As When You Go Out With The Girls
We all get lazy after a while when we don’t have to impress anyone anymore. But if you’re all sweats and T-shirts when it’s just the two of you and you’re smoking hot when you’re going out without him, he’s going to wonder who you’re doing that for.
Even though I don’t agree with his take on certain subjects, what this guy is basically saying is that there are some objective standards of behavior that women should hold themselves to when they are with a man. Really, these aren’t onerous. They are basic standards of femininity, ones that most women should be able to handle.
Sadly, any standard of feminine conduct at all is now considered by many modern women to be absolute oppression, just completely degrading and to be resisted at all costs. The (endless) comments under the article are all some form of Who are men to judge women?!?! A few examples are in order:
Heather_W: These are the expectations of a self-absorbed, weak, insecure, narcissistic, infantile, idiotic douchebag.
katebraedley: You want to know how to treat women? Here’s your answer: Be a good person. Turns out women aren’t so complicated after all. And just FYI, this article would not be an example of being a good person.
rita g: Why does he get the bigger piece of chicken exactly?
naminejamie: I am really hoping it is a joke or a satire piece or something along those lines, because if not, this is the biggest piece of bullshit I have ever read. This makes it sound as if women need to conform to be just the way need us to be, which is such an ignorant, sexist thought, that even considering the people still feel this way makes me see red…
…What if we don’t like sex? What if we have a relationship with our partner that doesn’t require us to have sex with them constantly or EVER, for that matter? Are you saying that if we don’t bang them they have every right to go off and find someone that will and then lie to us about it? Because it sounds to me like this is endorsing cheating if girls say no to sex [...]
Give Him the Biggest Piece of Chicken: So, he needs the biggest piece of chicken because we works hard, does he? That implies that we women HAVEN’T been working hard. Well guess what? We have been. Nowadays, most women have jobs, so we often work just as hard as our partners. And don;t even try playing the manual labor card, because a lot of men work at white collar jobs, which merely require them to sit at a desk and work on a computer all day long [...]
The entire argument presented in this article honestly makes me a bit sick. I forget sometimes just how terrible men can be because I have male friends who are rather gentlemanly, and yet I’m cruelly reminded the way most of the world works when I stumble across articles like this one. Ladies, I’m truly sorry if you read this article and let it influence your way of thinking about your behavior towards your partners, because you shouldn’t let poorly thought out pieces like this one effect your behavior at all.
ElizabethBiro: This is disgusting. I’m assuming the author is either pitifully single or in a terrible downhill relationship with a doormat of a woman. Not a SINGLE one of these is true in any way. This is practically telling women to let him do whatever he wants, never expect any maturity or responsibility from him, and yes, he can treat you however he likes and you should suck it up. Because hey, boys will be boys! And sadly, I’ve met men who believe this. I’ve told them they’re pathetic and worthless, and I’ve walked away. And interestingly enough they’re still to this day pathetic and worthless.
NO real man acts like this and NO real woman would let them. “Be a doormat” is not good advice. Throw their stupid ass out is good advice. Go find yourself someone who isn’t perpetually 14 and have a happy life. He can go on being a joke as long as he wants, it’s all he’ll ever be if this is the type of thing he follows.
The one about don’t mess with his friends actually made me feel sick to read, because someone actually believes that enough to write it. “He likes the regular sex”?!?!?! …”But they’ve been there longer and will win”
Because you love him, but to him you’re just regular sex. OH that sounds healthy. I’m not saying either of you should ever give up your friends. But your significant other actually does need to be put before them. If you’re serious about a person, odds are they are your best friend. They are also the friend you may spend the rest of your life with. So who comes first? You’re drinking buddies or your life partner? Hmm that’s a tough one. Anyone with any responsibility or life goals doesn’t even see a decision there.
This whole article is pathetic and disgusting, I wish I could unread it. Men, please PLEASE do not act like the piece if crap that wrote this. And women, it’s disgraceful to your entire gender, and the human race, if you take the “advice” posted here.
Oh, and the comments under the article also include some of the most horrifying displays of men who have way over-identified with their supposed feminine side (what guys in the manosphere call “manginas”):
ScottSnow: What a shameful and pathetic article. This piece of bullshit not only exaggerates damaging oversimplifications of the relationships between men and women, but it is based on the whole assumption that men and women cannot understand one another. This is especially harmful to women, perpetrating the idea that they’re these inhuman creatures we cannot relate to, much less have a relationship with other than what popular society has scripted for us. While yes, our biology and chemistry have led to a dichotomy of idiosyncrasies between the way men and women think, these differences are not alienating, they are harmonious. Think women speak another language then us? Then learn to speak it you neanderthal. And not for the selfish purpose of controlling them or grooming them to suit the ideals the media has provided for you. Learn to understand a woman so that you can best submit your thoughts and actions to provide them peace and joy. Understand women so you can love them –your mother, your sister, your friends, your partner. Aside from being fulfilled by the selfless act of loving, you will encourage the women in your life to treat you with the same respect, reverence, and love that you treat them. If this has not been clear, this has been written by a man, and as a man I know that the only thing I need a woman to understand about me is that I will devote myself to helping her live the best life she may, and I would be privileged if she felt the same. Not to submit to me or please me, but to accompany me in life.
Yikes. What was it Zippy said again? Oh yes:
Every man should go deep within himself and get in touch with his feminine side. Then he should strangle the bitch.
Ladies, you certainly don’t have to abide by this guy’s list in totality, but the basic standards for feminine behavior really are pretty straightforward: be loyal, sweet, kind, generous, sexually-available (to your husband), thoughtful of his needs, admiring, respectful, fit, and make a reasonable effort to maintain your appearance. You don’t have to do these things for all men, I guess, but is it really unreasonable to put in this moderate level of effort for your man, the one who has committed himself to you? Don’t listen to modern women who tell you that your relationship should be all about you and you alone; take some joy in pleasing your man. These really are not terribly difficult standards to meet and don’t involve turning yourself into a doormat.
Homework: Pick just one area from the points above – maybe it’s giving your husband some quiet, down time when he gets home from work, maybe it’s getting yourself some exercise, maybe it’s paying him a genuine compliment – and work on doing better in that one area over the next few weeks.