Tag Archives: reasons for a girl to maintain her virginity before marriage

How feminism self-perpetuates: today’s sluts, tomorrow’s frivorcees and spinsters.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6, King James Version

Updated to:

Train up a slut in the way she should go: and when she is old, she will not be able to depart from it. Proverbs 22:6, New Revised Feminist Version (NRFV)

This past Saturday, Deti emailed me a link to a blog post he thought I’d find interesting entitled A Letter to A One-Night Stand:

 It never felt very excessive, there was never a point where I ran a brothel out of my dorm room…It could be the fact that I have a blog about sex, it could be the fact that I have a reputation following me. Whatever it is, it is what it is. I think purity is a hoax. One number doesn’t give a full explanation of WHY something happened. Maybe my judgement isn’t perfect and I can’t tell a good guy from a bad one. I can tell you this, with the exception of a few nights on vodka that probably weren’t in my best interest, I assure you I always hoped that _____ and I would have an arrangement that lasted longer than the next morning.

Her entire sad tale of one-night-stand woe was later translated at Amos & Gromar.  From A girl named Mackenzie: a tale and translation of despair:

Translation: I’ve had more sex than most of the girls at school. But now that I’ve fallen for the lie, I want to make sure that the other girls do, too. Why? Because why should they have what I don’t? I’m undateable, so I want to make sure that the other girls are, as well, so I’ll hand them some literature on feminism. Did I already mention that sex is meaningless, even though it isn’t? If sex is no different than a handshake, why do I so desperately want…just something, just eye contact, just a little more. Sex is meaningless, sex is meaningless, sex is meaningless. The mantra isn’t working, professor. Why isn’t it working?

It isn’t working because as I have written repeatedly, women were not designed by God to be (crass language alert!) c*m dumpsters for multiple men.  These kinds of confused, miserable narratives are bubbling up with increasing frequency from the underbelly (Hey now!) of the feministasphere.  The uncomfortable yet undeniable realization that sluttery doesn’t pay is seeping into the female herd’s collective awareness.  The reality of elder-sluts living in permanent spinsterhood, along with the increased risk of divorce correlated with a woman’s number of previous sexual partners should be serving as a corrective for rampant female sexual promiscuity.  Right?

Wrong.  The response which one would reasonably expect – a chorus of heart-felt mea culpas – is notably absent.  Instead, the sex-positive herd seems bizarrely committed to doubling down on the Slutz 4evah! battle cry, in an attempt to lure ever more young women onto the casual sex carousel.  Consider this article from XOJane, a website whose primary  demographic is late-teen and twenty-something young women, written by one of the editors, Daisy Barringer:

9 DUDES TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE. I MEAN, GET MARRIED.

This is the picture of Daisy that is provided with the article.  How old would you guess her to be?  Maybe 25?

The fact that she’s in her twenties colors how you will take her advice if you are a 19-year-old girl reading her article.  But when I looked around a bit, I found other photos of her:

 

She is an attractive enough woman, but she’s clearly not in her twenties anymore.  Bear that in mind as you read her suggestions for the young women who read XOJane; also notice how she brags about her own sexual promiscuity as if it were an oh-so-fabulous trait worthy of emulation:

“The Nine Men to Bed Before You Wed” – according to a random website AND “Daisy’s Qualifications for an Accurate Count”

1. The Bad Boy

OK. This is a given. Every girl needs to hook up with a “Bad Boy.”  I mean, for most of us, it’s one of the first guys we hook up with, right? But what constitutes a “Bad Boy?” Does he have to wear a leather jacket? Ride a motorcycle? Have a scar on his eyebrow?

Personally, I’m going with “Has come close to being or has been arrested.”

Daisy: CHECK. I mean, I’ve got a felon in my dating history. Done and Done.

2. The Older Man

This one’s tough because I think age difference lessens as we get older, if that makes any sense. Like a 20-year-old banging a 40-year-old is newsworthy. A 40-year-old banging a 50-year-old, not so much. However, for the purpose of science, we will break this into two categories. If you’re “young,” then 10 years older counts as older, but if you’re “older,” then he’s got to be at least 17 years older. This is based on facts and stats and lots of math.

Daisy: CHECK. A 43-year-old when I was 26. He acted really young though. In every way you’re thinking.

3. The Foreigner

I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory. A foreigner is someone who is not from your country. However, I did need clarification if Canadians count for Americans. The general consensus was yes, but that it was weak. Still…

Daisy: CHECK. I’m sorry it was just with a Canadian. I will work harder in the future.

4. The Wealthy Man

Wealth is relative, but I think in order to cross this guy off your list, he has to be, like, really wealthy. Like second home, personal chefs, a savings account that most of us can’t fathom, etc. My friend tried to claim one of her dudes as “wealthy,” but even though he has a decent amount of money, I had to veto it because he lives with roommates.

Daisy: Does it count if we dated in high school? I think “no.”

5. The Athlete

Who knew THIS was the category that would cause the most contention? Some people felt that if he was any kind of athlete in college that counted. I felt that was too general and might end up including things like fencing, so I narrowed it down to: Played professionally or Division 1 in college.

Daisy: CHECK. Olympian, for the record.

6. A Man in Uniform

Pretty simple. This guy has to work in a profession with a recognizable uniform that tells others exactly what he does. So, like, a waiter doesn’t count, but military, police officer, fire fighter, and UPS guy all do.

Daisy: Nope. But if any fire fighters are game, I’m down to slide down their pole, if you know what I mean. Which, as always, you do.

7. The Nice Guy

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Daisy: CHECK. More than one. But I always got bored. Mature Daisy would love to meet one though…

8. The Pretty Boy

Again, this one comes down to taste. My idea of a pretty boy is Damon on “The Vampire Diaries” (also counts as a bad boy since, you know, he’s a murdering vampire) or Jared Leto in “My So-Called Life.” But yours might be different and that’s OK.

Daisy: CHECK. This story is too good to share. We were sitting in a hot tub after snowboarding and The Pretty Boy looked at me for a while and said, “Wow. You have really pretty eyes… They look just like mine.” Nonetheless, I still got nekkid with him. What? He was pretty!

9. A Younger Man

Again, this is a tough one, but the final consensus is “Couldn’t have gone to high school together.” So 5+ years or younger. I think this one needs a little work though.

Daisy: CHECK. But barely.

MY TOTAL:

7/9 OR 6/9 if we don’t count The Canadian. Not too shabby. Now I just need to find myself a wealthy foreign man in uniform and I’ll be all set to settle down!

…OK. I showed mine now you show yours. How many on the list have you crossed off and do you think my criteria are too rigid?

My favorite one is number seven; you can practically hear her rapidly desiccating eggs singing Where oh where has my beta provider gone, oh where oh where can he be?

The comment thread is a scream.  Women are falling all over themselves to brag about their sluttitude, but there are a bunch of men just mocking the women in the most hilarious way:

 Alana (whose profile describes her as a hot mess living in Brooklyn, NY with a matricidal cat) : I got a 100% on this test. Do I get a gold star and a complimentary STD test?

pimp: Send me an email application.

megerberDo I get extra points for scoring 2,3 and 4 in the same guy?

Flipper63: How about a house full of cats for your prize?

Brooke Michelle:  Man. I should have slutted it up a little more in my younger days.

Maria Mallis: I’m getting the feeling that I should have too, LOL

YehnI am a man wanting to bang an old lady, theres still time for you.

The men are straight-up laughing at them and the stupid, foolish females still don’t get it.  Brooke Michelle titters back at Yehn that she’s married now so her days of notching her bedpost are over; she doesn’t get that he is telling her that she disgusts him, that in his mind, her slut-braggadocio automatically puts her into the category of women that Amanda Marcotte calls semen toilets.  The men find them pathetic but nevertheless the women are absolutely committed to the feminist narrative.

It is no surprise that feminists embrace sex-positive ideology; sexually promiscuous women have little choice but to remain life-long feminists because they end up unable to marry, or if they do marry, unable to maintain their marriages.  The sluttier young women are, the stronger feminism becomes, like an evil demon that feeds on your nightmares:

John Henry Fuseli: The Nightmare 1781

Single girls, let me help you out here:  Women like this are trying to dribble their slut-poison into the communal female well.  They know they are ruined and if there is one thing misery loves, it is company.  If we’re all sluts, then no one has to feel bad about it and no one can claim she is any better than anyone else and men will have no choice but to take our bad slutty selves as is, like that refrigerator with the big gash in the side – But it hardly shows, you’d never even know it was damaged! – that you got on clearance at the Appliance Bump and Scratch Discount Center.  Only without, you know, the actual discount in price.

Single girls, instead of listening to the siren song of sluttery, heed Cail Corishev‘s comment:

The main takeway here should be how important a girl’s chastity really is. Here this guy has found a girl who appears to be a great match for him in every way — age, religion, attitudes about family and children and money, and obviously he’s attracted to her — except for this one thing: she’s had sex (and relationships) with at least 3 other men. She gets high marks on everything else he’s bothered to mention, but for that one reason, he’s considering taking a pass on her, and quite a few men here are urging him to do so. That’s for three men — a low number by today’s standards.

Women who don’t already get this should take a hard look at that. Maybe you don’t like us here; maybe you think we’re a bunch of knuckle-dragging troglodytes. But what you’re getting here is an unvarnished, unfiltered look at how men really feel about getting another man’s seconds. This is what the men you know would say about it if they weren’t afraid to offend you. The magazines and TV shows and your friends might be telling you your future husband will appreciate the skills you learned on the carousel, but what you’re hearing here is how he will really feel about it.

Inflate your N at your own risk.

Evangelical women, also known as covert Christo-feminists, rail against slut-shaming.

Matthew 5:48 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

Now updated to: “Be ye only slightly whorish, even as your gender neutral Parent which is in heaven is only slightly whorish.” – Frank

Probably one of the biggest understandings I’ve gained from reading in the Christian manosphere is how thoroughly feminism has saturated evangelical Christianity.  There is now only one point that separates mainstream feminism from evangelical feminism: abortion.  On the issue of sex, there is no longer a difference at all.  Just as secular feminists rail against slut-shaming, Christian women are beginning to rail more publicly against “purity” culture, with purity culture simply being the Biblical mandate for a woman to maintain her virginity before marriage.

There have been an increasing number of articles on Christian blogs and at Christianity Today on the topic.  In her essay I Am Damaged Goods, on the Christian site Deeper Story, writer Sarah Bessey bemoans the teaching of Biblical sexual morality.  In her Christianity Today article Virginity Isn’t Our Holy GrailJen Pollock Michel praises Bessey’s article and explains how for Christians virginity has become an idol.  She is careful to point out that the Bible does call for sexual chastity for the unmarried, but she writes:

God’s purity standard is effectively impossible to meet.

In an essay I wrote on my old blog this past February, Widening the Christian good girl path, one slut sob story at a time, I asked the question:

Will the Church maintain the hard and fast markers on sexual morality given in the Bible or will the Church slowly but surely go along with the Holy Rationalization Hamsters in their attempt to mow down wider and wider swathes so that more unrepentant sluts can squeeze onto the Christian Good Girl path?

It’s been three months since I asked that question, but I can already tell you the answer.  Yesterday on the website of The Atlantic, which is a large and fairly liberal mainstream news media source, I found the anti-purity Christian feminists working hard to mow another slutty strip down the purity path.  In her essay ‘You Ain’t Ruined’: How Thomas Hardy Took On Victorian-Era Purity Culture, Karen Swallow Prior, a professor at Liberty University and a Christian women’s issues writer, explains:

For the Victorians, virtue and virginity were synonymous. A woman who lost her virginity outside of marriage—regardless of the circumstances surrounding that loss–was ruined. For all intents and purposes, then, a woman’s virtue resided in her hymen. Will—a woman’s will at least—played little or no part in the business. The Victorians, certainly not the first or the last to do so, had confused virginity, a physical state, with virtue, a metaphysical condition.

But Hardy’s view was that unlike virginity, virtue is located not in the hymen but in the soul: in one’s spirit, one’s desires, in one’s thoughts, one’s will. The virtue of the soul is expressed through the willful acts of the body. It involves one’s whole being and thus is not surrendered by means of brute force or by singular acts. This understanding is the basis for Hardy’s insistence upon Tess’s purity. She had lost her virginity, yes, but had done so as a victim of, not only the man who took it from her, but also a culture characterized by sexual repression and hypocrisy [...]

The sexual mores of my own conservative evangelical culture are often described as “Victorian” and sometimes justifiably so. The questions being raised from both within and without this community about the meaning and value of virginity and “purity” within a more holistic approach to healthy and virtuous sexuality are important ones.

Mrs. Swallow Prior’s pretty words are just Christo-feminist code for saying Don’t shame the sluts!  This comes in part from the desire to be liked and accepted by liberal culture.  It is clear that we live in a country where the liberals have won; they are in charge and what they say goes.  Christian women are no different than women in general in that they just love a winner.  Slut culture has won, so Christian women are beginning to turn on purity culture with angry cries.

It is also the fact that Christian women are subject to all the same hypergamous desires that other women are.  Young Christian women want to mess around before settling down, so older women, rather than following Titus 2:3-5, which says:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

instead seem intent on making sure Christian girls face no judgment in the church for their sexual promiscuity.   In our present day, young unmarried Christian women are generally sexually active just like secular women are, with the only difference being that they have traditionally faced mild social censure from the church.  If conservative evangelical women have their way, these young women will be freed from that one last, small constraint.

Why does this matter?  Why should Christian women be exhorting one another to maintain their sexual virtue before marriage?  We all know the obvious reasons, like avoiding unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, but here are three that I think are just as important.

1. Maintaining female virginity until marriage is Biblical.  You wouldn’t think I’d even need to say that on a Christian blog, but I actually got into a disagreement recently at the Orthosphere with a man who did not believe that the Bible says that women are supposed to be virgins when they get married.  I won’t spend a lot of time here, but in case you aren’t sure, the Bible does tell women to maintain their purity; here are a handful of verses for you to check out.  God doesn’t tell women to avoid sexual sin because He wants to oppress us; He tells us to avoid it because He didn’t create women’s bodies and minds to function properly when coupled with more than one man.

2. A woman with previous sexual partners has an increased risk of divorce.  The Social Pathologist cites a recent study which found that:

Women who cohabit prior to marriage or who have premarital sex have an increased likelihood of marital disruption. Considering the joint effects of premarital cohabitation and premarital sex, as well as histories of premarital relationships, extends previous research. The most salient finding from this analysis is that women whose intimate premarital relationships are limited to their husbands—either premarital sex alone or premarital cohabitation—do not experience an increased risk of divorce. It is only women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship who have an elevated risk of marital disruption. This effect is strongest for women who have multiple premarital coresidental unions. These findings are consistent with the notion that premarital sex and cohabitation have become part of the normal courtship pattern in the United States. They do not indicate selectivity on characteristics linked to the risk of divorce and do not provide couples with experiences that lessen the stability of marriage.

3. Having previous sexual partners increases the likelihood that a wife will lose sexual attraction for her husband.  The mechanism for this is multi-faceted but probably has to do with neurochemical bonding, microbiome bonding, and alpha widowhood; if the young woman has already bonded to another man, it is more difficult for her to bond with her husband, especially if he is less dominant than the other man was.

In the last thread, and in every thread on every website in the known universe where the subject of married sex comes up, men flock to say that they have experienced severely restricted sexual access in their marriages.  This has always seemed so odd to me; women know that men like sex, so even if they don’t feel attracted to their husbands, I’ve always wondered why they can’t at least feign a little enthusiasm once a week, put on a negligee and give him twenty minutes of her time.  But I think this is because I just don’t know how deeply revolting it is for a woman to lie with a man to whom she isn’t attracted.  On the last thread, Novaseeker wrote:

Her body is screaming at her to not have sex with this man! It feels like having sex with her brother, or like rape — just absolutely degrading. So she is angry that he wants sex with her, angry at him for not being attractive enough, for acting like he’s entitled to sex with her, for taking her for granted by not being attractive and so on — she’s angry, she wants retribution, she wants to inflict pain, and she also wants to control the sexual situation so that she can avoid having icky rape sex with a man her body is screaming at her to run away from sexually and find another man (and his seed for her remaining eggs).

I think the disgust must be worse than I’ve always assumed, and the really sad part is that it probably isn’t under her conscious control.  There may or may not be much she can do if her brain and body decide she’s no longer attracted to him, but for some possible ideas to consider, see my essay Advice for a former slut married to a beta provider to whom she is not sexually attracted (also, see this comment from Dalrock in the thread below).  I don’t think it’s any coincidence that several men have described their wives fleeing the bed the minute sex is over to wash off the semen; her body is rejecting him as unfit to mate with, and semen is the very stuff that makes you pregnant, so it really isn’t that surprising that a woman who isn’t attracted to her husband is particularly repulsed by contact with his semen.  Given this, shouldn’t Christian women be redoubling their efforts to promote premarital chastity?

Even though to modern Christians, Mrs. Swallow Prior’s article seems very reasonable and kind-hearted, simply motivated by wanting young women not to think that their entire worth is tied up in their bodies, nevertheless it is not a kindness.  It is, rather, a great disservice and leads young Christian women to believe that they can be sexually active and, because there is no condemnation in Christ and He always forgives us when we ask, they can just repent later and face no consequences.  What they do not understand, because Mrs. Swallow Prior does not tell them, is that they will still face grave earthly consequences for their sexual sin and that those consequences will affect not only them but also their husbands and children.

Further reading: