If human nature gets in the way of your ideology, the solution is simple: Fix human nature.—
Nicholas B Stevenson (@Nick_B_Steves) February 06, 2014
Traditional sex roles are heavily based on our differing biological functions as males and females, as well as dividing up labor in such a way as to enhance family formation and create stable, functional societies. These sex roles have been around in one form or another since, oh, forever actually. They are pretty deeply ingrained, yet feminists are determined to destroy them. This requires a great deal of intensive socialization focused on shaming children’s natural preferences starting in pre-school and really ramping up the effort in adolescence. It requires constant vigilance lest girls and boys revert to their naturally-preferred sex roles. It’s sad, though, when you think about all the confusion this creates in children and later adults. What their biology is telling them to do is shamed, so they try to follow what they are told they should want to do but which feels so wrong. No wonder mental health has declined so dramatically in the past 40 years; we need the anti-depressants just to cope with the dissonance.
It particularly bothers feminists when girls are not heavily socialized away from their naturally-preferred traditional sex roles. In 7 Ways You’re Hurting Your Daughter’s Future, some annoying feminist at Forbes Woman explains how you can ruin your daughter’s life by socializing her natural desire to be a wife and mother right out of her and ensuring that she spends a sterile life as a corporate drone.
Someday you want your daughter, niece, goddaughter and best friend’s little girl to grow up and have the option of being a firewoman, a writer, an Olympic gold medalist in boxing, a sergeant, a celebrity chef, the president … or whatever else her little heart desires.
And you want her to get paid the exact same amount for the same work that her male colleagues do.
But I don’t want my daughters to be boxers, sergeants, firemen, or the president. What their little hearts desire is unlikely to be any of these things anyway, unless I allow feminists to poison their minds by telling them that they have to have a “career” so that they can be “fulfilled” and then maybe get married at 35 and conceive one child via IVF when they are 40.
Here is what the authoress says we traditionalists are doing wrong with our daughters and how we should be doing it instead:
1. You teach her to be polite and quiet.
There’s a fine line between being well-behaved and being a doormat, and it seems that all too often girls are pushed into territory bordering on the latter.
What this could mean for her future: It’s easy to see how this mindset could lead to the kind of behavior where women don’t negotiate for higher salaries, because they don’t want to offend a potential employer, or they don’t speak up in class, and eventually meetings, for risk of being seen as not nice.
How you can avoid this: While we all want well-behaved children, don’t forget to teach your daughter that it’s okay to debate, disagree and negotiate–respectfully, of course–and especially with her peers. Encourage her to speak up in class, from preschool to college, and state her opinion, and then be ready and willing to defend it.
I don’t technically have a problem with teaching a girl to debate respectfully, but the proof has got to be in the pudding, and I have not ever found that feminists are capable of respectful, well-reasoned debate. Let’s just grab a recent example to see how feminist-indoctrinated women argue when they encounter an idea with which they disagree:
The brilliance of her logic is blinding, no? In my experience, most young women now simply respond to disagreement by spewing expletives. We need to do a better, not worse, job of teaching our daughters to be polite and quiet.
2. You buy her gender-specific toys.
By only handing her pink playthings for the first three years of her life, your child may decide pink is her favorite color because “that’s what girls like.”…
What this could mean for her future: This is important because a 2009 study found that 31% of “girl” toys are all about appearance, involving plastic makeup and dresses. Meanwhile, toys targeted to boys encourage invention, exploration, competition, mobility, problem solving–all skills associated with highly desirable employees and leaders.
How you can avoid this: Try to avoid walking exclusively down the Barbie and doll aisles at stores, and instead provide your child with games and toys that encourage scientific discovery, competition, exploration and problem solving.
The problem isn’t gender-specific toys. My daughters have trucks and cars and dolls and a play kitchen set. They play with all of them but guess which ones they play with the most? The ones that stem from traditional sex roles; they are much more likely to be found dressing their dollies or pretending to cook dinner than they are creating a racetrack to zoom their toy cars on.
The problem is that girl-specific toys have crashed headlong into Slut Culture. Consider:
And contrast that with:
We’re teaching our daughters to be monstrous whores rather than nurturing mothers, but the alternative isn’t to teach them to be boys.
3. You tell her she’s pretty … to the exclusion of everything else.
Yes, she’s an adorable pumpkin who looks so cute in curly pig tails that you want to squeal. But she’s also really good at writing poetry, is an architectural whiz at constructing complex pillow forts and loves singing along to The Beatles and strumming her air guitar.
What this could mean for her future: We live in a very appearance-conscious society, and unless you can commit to completely cutting your daughter off of all forms of media and interactions at school, she is going to have a sense that her appearance counts…However, by making a concerted effort to reward, acknowledge and show a genuine appreciation for her non-appearance based achievements (academic, sport, musical, etc.), we will start to send clear messages that her value does not begin and end with the way she looks.
How you can avoid this: …challenge yourself to match every compliment you give about your daughter’s appearance with at least two compliments about something non-appearance based.
It’s good to teach a girl that her entire worth is not based on her appearance. After all, the Bible teaches us:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
But we also need to be realistic with young women about what it is that attracts young men – their future husbands – to them:
Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord. (Psalm 45:10-11)
The reality is that their appearance is a big part of it. We should encourage them to understand that prettiness is fleeting, so a young woman ought to find husband while she is still young and then give him her pretty years, creating a loving family with him who will praise her for her intelligence and quiet, gentle spirit long after her beauty fades.
4. You indoctrinate her into the princess cult.
Most real-life princesses are actually quite accomplished. They can speak several languages, have excellent diplomacy skills and we know at least one who graduated from an esteemed British university. But your little girl doesn’t know that. All she knows is that the key to living happily ever after is being able to sing well enough to attract a prince to rescue her from her troubles.
What this could mean for her future: Princess culture encourages girls to be damsels in distress whose role it is to look good and wait for a handsome prince to swoop in, ‘save her’ and bring value to her self and her path,…unless we are going to start encouraging ‘warrior princess’ mentalities and behaviors (active, heroic in her own right, in charge of her own destiny), we are going to keep our girls stuck with the feeling that they are not really relevant and valuable in and of themselves, but only in their attachment to men.
How you can avoid this: It’s an almost impossible task to shield your daughter from princess culture altogether, and with the right messaging, there’s really no reason to. What you can do is redefine for her what a being a princess means. Take her to see “Brave” this summer, a movie about a princess who bucks expectations to save her kingdom herself–no man required. Or revisit “Tangled,” a story about a princess who doesn’t want or need the help of a prince, and couldn’t care less when her pretty blond hair gets cut off. If your daughter has already fallen in love with traditional princess stories, be sure to point out all the fabulous things the heroine is doing all on her own (Look how Belle loves reading. Ariel sure is a fabulous swimmer …)
I’m no fan of Disney culture at all, but the reality is that girls love princesses, and they love those princesses because they are a) pretty and b) have a handsome, charming prince. That’s just how we’re wired. GIrls are born wanting to be pretty and dreaming of marrying a charming prince. No girl dreams of “doing [it] all on her own”; that is purely a feminist fantasy. Oh, and by the way, in the movie “Tangled”, the princess isn’t capable of even getting herself to the city where she needs to go; she has to enlist the aid of a handsome rogue to get her there.
5. You give Dad all the physical tasks around the house.
It might be easier to let the man of the house open the pickle jar or fix the squeaky door, but we bet you could do these things too if you put your mind to it.
What this could mean for her future: It’s important for parents to consciously challenge typical gender-specific tasks…especially those that communicate that women are weaker than men, and that they are ‘caretakers’ rather than ‘doers,’ ‘fixers’ or ‘providers.’
How you can avoid this: Demonstrate for your daughter that you handle important financial tasks…and that you can cut the lawn and open pickle jars. Also avoid handing out chores according to gender. Assign mowing the lawn and taking out the trash to your daughter, while asking your son or husband to do the dishes and vacuum the living room.
It’s as I always say; feminists don’t oppose sex roles so much as they want men and women to swap roles. That’s why they want the guys doing the dishes and the girls mowing the lawn, despite the fact that research has shown that couples who adhere to traditional divisions of labor have more frequent sex. And I love the way she says that we have to avoid communicating that females are weaker than males…as if that weren’t actually true. Feminists always try to deny reality.
6. You only let her spend time with other girls.
While sending your daughter to an all-girls school isn’t the only place where this issue could play out, it’s still worth mentioning that there have been studies pointing both directions on whether single-sex schooling is actually more effective for girls. One study showed that graduates of single-sex schools had higher SAT scores and confidence, and better academic engagement. But another report published last fall upended the status quo, finding that all-girl schools not only don’t graduate more accomplished students, but that single-sex schools breed children more likely to believe in gender stereotypes.
What this could mean for her future: It’s not just about whether your daughter attends an all-girls school or not–the issue extends into her life outside of school as well. Studies actually show that not only do preschool-age children tend to self-segregate by sex, but that segregation leads to the development of different sets of social skills, styles, expectations and preferences–none of which will help her someday break into the board room.
How you can avoid this: If your daughter is surrounded by tons of girlfriends at school, with nary a boy in sight, try encouraging friendships with boys outside of school, with neighbors or kids of your own friends. For young children, especially, it’s important to arrange play dates with boys as well as girls, invite boys to your child’s birthday parties and other outings and unleash her on the neighborhood basketball court or a co-ed sports team. She’ll learn that she can do everything boys can do … and more.
She’ll learn that she can do everything boys can do and more…because girls are just boys who can have babies? This is, of course, a lie. Women can’t do everything men can do, and it’s wishful thinking to say that they can. It’s no problem for boys and girls to play together if they want to, though in my experience of working with children as a teacher and speech-language pathologist, most children actually prefer to segregate by sex at playtime. Not exclusively, but it’s seen from a very young age and unless you pressure them about it and make them feel like it’s wrong, it is what they will naturally do. Why is that a problem exactly? I think the problem is that boys tend to be much more rejecting of girls than vice versa, and this angers feminists.
7. You criticize your own body, and/or other women’s bodies.
Eating healthy is a must for every mom and her daughter, but you don’t want to cross the line into body criticism.
What this could mean for her future: By talking in front of your daughter about your diet, how you need to lose a few pounds or criticizing other women’s clothing choices because of their body shape, you communicate that a woman’s body needs to look a certain way in order for her to be considered likable and successful.
How you can avoid this: It is really critical that we embody the behaviors and attitudes about ourselves that we want our daughters to feel about themselves…Demonstrate what healthy eating looks like: balanced meals chosen for their nutrition and energy needs. Avoid behaviors like buying low-fat, processed foods and skipping meals, which are unhealthy and ultimately unsuccessful ways to lose weight at the expense of your health.
I agree that you don’t want to give your daughter some kind of complex about her body, but then again, we need to be realistic about the modern obesity epidemic and what it is doing to women’s appearance and health. Being fat makes a woman both ugly and unhealthy, no matter what fat-activist feminists say, and the Bible is clear that gluttony is a sin. It’s fine to be accepting of your daughter as a person, but I would definitely talk to her about how important it is to maintain a healthy weight and get plenty of exercise. The truth is that how a woman’s body looks really does determine in part how successful she will be, and pretending like this is not the case denies reality. All the socialization in the world is never going to make people not have a natural aversion to someone who is obese; why pretend otherwise?
People will almost always follow traditional sex roles if they are left alone to do so because these roles stem from our natural biological differences and because these roles help men and women form families and societies. Socializing these roles out of people requires enormous effort and is of no benefit to the human race. Eliminating or even swapping sex roles is an important part of feminist ideology, but doing so inhibits family formation and destabilizes society. Let us resolve to reject unnatural egalitarian sex roles and embrace the natural traditional sex roles that have served humanity well for so long.
(My thanks to Zippy Catholic for pointing out the Forbes article to me.)